Sunday 12 June 2016

Single Shaming


I want to talk about single shaming because it’s a thing that happens and I’m single so I should know.  Maybe you’re a well meaning friend, maybe you’re a family member who just wants to understand why it is they are still unattached or a co-worker who thinks the single girl in the office is ‘one of those’, whatever the reason, let me assure you it never feels nice to the person who is the object of your observations, scrutiny or ridicule.

As a 35 year old single woman I’ve heard it all and with every year comes more pressure followed by the comments….."Just find someone already", "stop being so picky", "you’re not giving it enough effort", blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  It seems as soon as someone has a significant other suddenly it means they have all the wisdom when it comes to relationships, utter rubbish!

Don’t misunderstand me, advice is something to take into consideration, but when it comes to something like love and companionship there is no one size fits all formula.  What worked for you or your friend from down the street won’t necessarily be the key to my success.  The thing is, people can only view someone through the very limited lens of their own experiences.  Without having full knowledge of the other persons own experiences, perceptions, roadblocks,  beliefs or desires then how can they ever truly have the capacity to 'help' them.  Many attached individuals don’t really know how they stumbled upon love themselves anyway, but what I find most offensive is their belief that the same thing can’t possibly happen to you or that you need some sort of roadmap or you’ll run out of time.

Yes it’s true, I’m single, and yes I do want to find someone special to share my life with but please don’t think I am incapable of finding my own way to love in my own time.  I am not naive, I am not too picky, I am not delusional and I am not your project.


So please, enough already!



4 comments:

  1. I totally agree ..This is Rocket Rob speaking

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    1. Hey Rocket!! Thanks for reading my blog. I'm glad you agree. It's tough being single and having people pressing their opinions on you about your situation. I feel better now I've got it out of my system. :-) Thanks again!!

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  2. Granted guys hear this less than girls, I commiserate with you. The type of people who immediately start giving out this advice is the same type of person who has a kid and then a switch is flipped and they have some sort of ethereal wisdom to dispense to everyone else. I just learn to laugh inside at how close minded they are, that they think the only way to derive happiness is via this linear, largely Hollywood perpetuated myth of A Brady Bunch life. Odds are if they're giving you advice and implying youre running out of time its just because they're so insecure with the decisions they've made that they have to tell everyone JUST HOW AWESOME IT IS!so the idea is reinforced in their mind. It's not you they're trying to convinced. On a positive note, being in a long term relationship is kind of a bummer sometimes because you have to check with someone else about everything you do. Want to go to Europe this summer? Gotta see what the finances are like with someone else. Want to move to another city? Now you got two jobs to worry about finding rather than one. Want to spend a lot of money on a 1923 Steinway piano? Don't have to worry about paying for Tommy's braces. (I realize, I might just be the opposite of those people, telling you how AWESOME being single is while I'm really trying to convince myself. But I've been nearly-married and entirely-single so I sorta get it.) Find adventure. Find beauty. Radiate that beauty like a magnet directed north. Find someone you find beautiful (you'll know it - they'll be that magnet directed south). Find adventure with them. It all will work out.

    -yer fb fan, Andrew

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    1. Andrew, thank you so much, I enjoyed reading this!! Being partnered up isn't always whats it's cracked up to be and yes I do agree peoples insecurities usually are veiled in bravado half the time. I think the road less travelled is always more interesting. Here's to walking to the beat of our own drum and finding another who is not afraid to do the same. Cheers!!

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